No longer live blogging but still Star Ac

Ok, now it's Julia. She's a bit rubbish and singing with Yael. I used yo work with someone called Yael who looked almost exactly like that. But my Yael was more exciting. This one is like someone has sucked the vestiges of life out of Nora Jones (yes, imagine that) and plonked the remains in front of a piano. Julia, in contrast, is just a bit dull. She doesn't look like she should be married to Ned Flanders from the Simpsons.

Julia - ooh! no! Yael has FALLEN OVER. This is probably the most exciting thing that has happened to her EVER. Eeeh! Wound watch! Nikos is devastated.

Ok, Julia gets 13,3, worst mark so far. Anne Ducros is cross. Anne Ducros is quite formidable. Hell yes!

Onoes Alice has to "sing" parle à ma main this is going to be ugly.

I couldn't type during that because my jaw was on the floor with kitsch overload. Raphael's dancing was nice though. He's taken his jacket off. Alice is totally outkitsched by bloke whose name I've forgotten. Edouard. He's quite good (yes I iz technical)

Alice 13, 7

Raphael says: elle estyl lolita egrana claro grimpo nivel. Guapa!

Ark. I am taking a short alcohol break for Roch Voisine; actually there is not enough alcohol in our house to get through this, despite tonight being 1970s cocktail nite. Oh I can't because Edouard is getting scored on it. Um, a bit rubbish. There is an outbreak of line dancing. If I had worse chair de poule you could sell me in Carrefour. I feel a bit sorry for Edouard. There must be something in the Geneva Convention about this? No?

Edouard - 15. Anne is STILL CROSS. Everyone else thinks he's ok. He's moderately cute no? Or is that the gin flip talking? I've lost all sensation in my cheeks; rarely a good sign.

Oh wow, Raphael has taken his vest off and put his shades back on. And he's run away into the audience.

Yvane time! OMG Yvane's Patrick Bruel (15,3) was quite cute. He may be a self-important tosser, but at least you never quite know what he's going to do next, which is mildly refreshing. Yvane and Raphael ought to do have their own series I think. Maybe one where they take their clothes off. No! Stop! That was supposed to stay in my head.

Thankfully we can gloss over that wish some horrific leaf based choreography with the academicien with the most ridiculous name, Mickels. He's trying to ignore the crimes against dance going on behind him, which is a valiant, but presumably doomed, effort.

This kind of dance plus dirge number is why I have to watch Star Ac in two parts - my whole body gets so consumed by the horror I need a lie down.

Mickels - 15,2. Bof. Even Raphael can't get excited about this.

Apparently the injured Yael will be ok. I am shouting at the tv though in a lawyerly fashion as Nikos apologises to her - no! Don't admit liability! Say that SHE dug that hole and then fell in it. And you warned her many times and offered her protective shin pads. Tsk. New job opportunity for me here?

Here comes the huissier. I fancy him too. He wasn't allowed to talk today which is saddening me.

The public saves .... Yvane! Yay! The public demand MORE CRAZY. Go public! Ah. That makes me happy.

Ooh. The CFO and I are sure Ana is going. OMG! Egalité! Yvane chooses. This is turning into the Yvane show. Yvane saves Harold. Only fair.

Hoorah! Another exciting evening draws to a close! Off I go to clean the oven.

Bonne fin de soirée messieur dames and foxy Spanish dancers.